big (empty) bag of bagels

I walked into the office this morning and saw that someone had brought in a bag of fresh bagels for everyone. Unfortunately, I found out because I saw the cream cheese container on the table in the break room and saw the bag in the trash. I started to grumble in my heart until I was ashamed. I felt like the prophet Jonah when he complained about not having any more weed. (Sorry, I couldn't resist... that sentence practically wrote itself.) Odd joke from a straight-edger like myself, but I thought it was funny regardless.

It's funny how easily we start to grow accustomed to grace. Scary too. How can I possibly complain about not getting something I don't deserve (like yummy fresh bagels... mmm) and not be reminded that I don't get what I do deserve? Sometimes I would do well to put my hand over my mouth and just keep it shut. Or in this case, shut down my brain. Here's to killing that sarx and hanging him from the rafters! Praise God for empowerment.

the challenge of chat

The other night I spent some time chatting with friends online. My average for chatting is about 2 minutes a month, so last night's sessions should last me through the rest of this year.

Years ago when I chatted more often, it was no trouble to have three or four conversations going at the same time. Last night I was getting a little confused by just two. I really enjoyed catching up with friends, however, especially someone I hadn't talked to in many months.

I also noticed something about the way I chat. There seems to be some disconnect between things I would do while chatting and things I would do in real life. More specifically, there are certain things that I try not to do in real life that I do while chatting.

"If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame." Proverbs 18:13

You see, I've been trying to actually listen instead of using the time while not speaking to think of what to say next time I am. I'm admittedly not a good listener and there's not really any way to excuse it; I'm often more quick to speak than to hear.

The problem is that I don't even notice this when I'm chatting. I'm quick to jump to conclusions and quick to give my opinion in and out of turn. The thing with chatting is that it's really easy to interrupt others and get away with it. Just blame it on the slight delay between sending and receiving.

But last night it hit me... I'm kind of arrogant when I'm online.

Because I can type faster than I can speak, I often take the liberty to speak my mind and then some. I would benefit from listening more.

I'm reading through Everyday Talk by John Younts and you can probably guess what the most recent chapter was about.

Some readers may think, my gosh, it's just chatting. What's the big deal? And I'm not usually one to make a big deal of things that aren't. Nor do I think this is anything earth-shattering. But I walked away from those two chat sessions with two conclusions:

1. I talk too much
2. I am disappointed when I have to erase what I have typed (but not sent) when the other person changes the subject. In other words, I want to talk about me and my topics more than listening to what others have to say.

All that seems to say that I am not a very good friend, which is arguably true. This is definitely something I struggle with. But that's how you grow, so here's to change.

port-gate, pushovers, politics

This morning I thought about something I often neglect. It's important to pray for those whom God has placed in authority over us. "Authority" can really be as broad as the definition allows, but this morning I was thinking specifically of our President. We can't neglect to pray for him, even if, and, I dare say, especially when we think he's wrong.

It will be interesting to see how Port-Gate resolves itself. For those who are unaware, this deal would give management of six major US ports to a company owned by the United Arab Emirates. The UAE has been fairly cooperative in the war on terror and is arguably a moderate Islamic nation, but still recognizes Hamas as a legitimate government while refusing to give Israel that same acknowledgement. Furthermore, two of the 9/11 hijackers were from the UAE. Isn't it just a little understandable that the American public would be hesitant to go through with this deal - especially since it has been shrouded in secrecy? Will this jeopardize national security? Could it?

Those are just a few of the concerns being raised by many prominent legislators from both sides of the aisle.

I've heard reports from conservative and liberal sources alike and things just don't seem to add up. One day, Bush threatens to veto any bill that attempts to slow the port management deal with the United Arab Emirates. Then he turns around and claims no prior knowledge of the deal.

Has the President delegated responsibilities to the extent that this deal was made without his knowledge? Or is he simply feigning ignorance after the fact? And why the defensiveness if he had no prior knowledge of the deal? Was it just a shoot-from-the-hip reaction?

"...either he was in on it, or he was too dumb to see what was goin' on. Either way, I cannot have a man like that working here." ~ Robert De Neiro as Ace Rothstein, in a scene from a very well-done movie that I won't recommend because of the profanity.

Now, I'm not calling the President dumb, as that's a bit too disrespectful. I will say that the whole situation doesn't seem to make sense.

I don't normally write about anything political here; social issues are not usually at the top of my blog topics. I still think President Bush was a better choice than Senator Kerry. I also think that the President is far from the best we've had. I also think that whether or not we agree with the current administration, we're obligated to submit to its authority.

I'm not sure how that jives with protests/strikes/civil disobedience. It's tough to become more aware politically and not want to resist when we think things should be done in a different way. I suppose you have to balance God's sovereignty with the government's responsibility to protect those who do good (Rom. 13). Sometimes God allows bad rulers to come to power. Sometimes the government fails to carry out that responsibility. Does that justify insubordination?

As far as irony goes, I thought it was funny that certain unions in Maryland (I think) threatened to strike if their management of their port is given over to the UAE. This would effectively shut down the port prior to transfer of responsibility. It's an amazing example of modern-day unions doing something right for a change. Does that make it right in light of God's command to submit? Read Romans 13 and then you tell me what it says.

I don't know all the facts about Port-Gate, and I don't think I ever will. I do know, however, that God is sovereign no matter who is controlling our borders (that's an easy one for us in California - no one is controlling the them!!!).

All that to say the government really needs our prayers.

Speaking of prayers, I've been trying to apply this passage:

Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord." To the contrary, "if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

It is easy to want to defend ourselves when people misunderstand us. It's even harder to resist when people read their own opinions into our actions such we are the offending party. We want instant vindication. "Look at this, Lord! You know that I've done nothing wrong, yet they see otherwise."

This is exactly why we should shut our mouths and be wronged. Let people misunderstand. Let them misinterpret our actions. Be at peace with all men. We demonstrate Christ-like humility when we resist the temptation to vindicate ourselves.

This doesn't mean we should be pushovers. But if someone will not accept our explanation, we can be confident about trusting God's sovereignty, His justice, and His holiness. After all, if it's a believer who's wronged us, Christ has already paid for their sin. By taking matters into our own hands, we are more or less saying Christ's work at Calvary was insufficient to rectify the situation. No, someone's sin against us was so great that additional retribution is warranted.

No injustice you've received can come close to the injustice Christ experienced, and yet, as Isaiah said, "He opened not his mouth" to defend himself, though He was innocent. Injustice is part of life. Fix your eyes on Christ and follow His example. You have the holy Judge on your side. Let Him have His vengeance. You don't need yours.

Wow. Two heavy issues back to back.

To end on a lighter note, the following is a humorous look at government that's been around in some form for at least decades. It's been tweaked and adjusted time and time again. I even added some editing of my own. Enjoy.

You Have Two Cows
Anarchy: You have two cows. Your neighbor hits you over the head with a brick, steals your cows, then shoots them for fun. You later discover that he is a Nazi.

Bureaucracy: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out 17 forms in triplicate to account for the missing cows.

Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes one of them and gives it to your neighbor.

Pure Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as they say you need.

Communism: You have two cows. The government takes both and provides you with milk. You must stand in line to get it. It is expensive and sour.

Pure Communism: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk. Then a few neighbors band together to kill you so that there is more milk for everyone else.

Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both and sells you the milk.

Dictatorship: You have two cows. The government takes both, then shoots you.

Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build your own herd.

Corporation: You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

Liberals: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Instead of giving your neighbor one of your cows, you write to your congressman, demanding that he pass legislation for more government programs to help your neighbor get a cow. You hold a concert to raise awareness for the cowlessness. Barbara Streisand sings for the cowless, who couldn't attend because ticket prices are so expensive that only people with 3 or 4 cows can afford to attend. You wear a ribbon that signifies that you care about cowless people, even though you really haven't done anything to help them at all. Then your congressman taxes your cows, and you're forced to one so you can pay the tax. The government uses the cow tax revenue to buy a cow for your neighbor.

Conservatives: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what? It's his fault for not working hard enough.

California: You have two cows. The state tells you how to milk your cows, when to milk your cows, how much to milk your cows and the most that you can charge for the milk. You go broke and sell the cows. The state calls you greedy and blames you for the current milk shortage.

Japanese Corporation: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

Libertarianism: Go away. What I do with my cows is none of your business.

Pacifism: You have two cows. They stampede you.

Politically Correct: You are associated with two differently aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of nonspecified gender.

Redistributionism: You have two cows. Everyone should have the same amount of cow. The government takes both cows, cuts them up, and spends more than the cows are worth giving everyone a little piece of cow.

go ahead... be dumb... it's a free country

On the way to work, I almost got hit by a garbage truck. I was heading south on Balboa Blvd. The garbage truck was in the northbound lanes and was attempting to turn left into a driveway, cutting across the southbound lanes. He even nosed out like he meant business. Some people... yeesh.

On a much happier note, now hear this:

As I looked, behold, a stormy wind came out of the north,
and a great cloud, with brightness around it,
and fire flashing forth continually,
and in the midst of the fire, as it were gleaming metal.
And from the midst of it came the likeness of
four living creatures. And this was their appearance:
they had a human likeness, but each had four faces,
and each of them had four wings. Their legs were straight,
and the soles of their feet were like the sole of
a calf's foot. And they sparkled like burnished bronze.
Under their wings on their four sides they had human hands.
And the four had their faces and their wings thus:
their wings touched one another. Each one of them went
straight forward, without turning as they went. As for the
likeness of their faces, each had a human face.
The four had the face of a lion on the right side,
the four had the face of an ox on the left side,
and the four had the face of an eagle. Such were their faces.
And their wings were spread out above. Each creature
had two wings, each of which touched the wing of another,
while two covered their bodies. And each went
straight forward. Wherever the spirit would go, they went,
without turning as they went. As for the likeness
of the living creatures, their appearance was like
burning coals of fire, like the appearance of torches moving
to and fro among the living creatures. And the fire was bright,
and out of the fire went forth lightning.
And the living creatures darted to and fro,
like the appearance of a flash of lightning.

Now as I looked at the living creatures,
I saw a wheel on the earth beside the living creatures,
one for each of the four of them. As for the appearance
of the wheels and their construction:
their appearance was like the gleaming of beryl.
And the four had the same likeness, their appearance
and construction being as it were a wheel within a wheel.
When they went, they went in any of their four directions;
without turning as they went. And their rims were tall
and awesome, and the rims of all four were full of eyes
all around. And when the living creatures went, the wheels went
beside them; and when the living creatures rose from the earth,
the wheels rose. Wherever the spirit wanted to go, they went,
and the wheels rose along with them, for the spirit
of the living creatures was in the wheels. When those went,
these went; and when those stood, these stood; and when
those rose from the earth, the wheels rose along with them,
for the spirit of the living creatures was in the wheels.

Over the heads of the living creatures there was the likeness
of an expanse, shining like awe-inspiring crystal, spread out
above their heads. And under the expanse their wings
were stretched out straight, one toward another.
And each creature had two wings covering its body.
And when they went, I heard the sound of their wings
like the sound of many waters, like the sound of the Almighty,
a sound of tumult like the sound of an army.
When they stood still, they let down their wings.
And there came a voice from above the expanse over their heads.
When they stood still, they let down their wings.

And above the expanse over their heads there was the likeness
of a throne, in appearance like sapphire;
and seated above the likeness of a throne was a likeness
with a human appearance. And upward from what had
the appearance of his waist I saw as it were gleaming metal,
like the appearance of fire enclosed all around.
And downward from what had the appearance of his waist
I saw as it were the appearance of fire,
and there was brightness around him. Like the appearance
of the bow that is in the cloud on the day of rain,
so was the appearance of the brightness all around.

Such was the appearance of the likeness of the glory of the LORD.
And when I saw it, I fell on my face, and I heard the voice
of one speaking.

I really like what Dr. Will Varner had to say about this passage (we listened to one of his old sermon tapes last night). The main point of the message was "in the midst of judgment, He remembers mercy," mostly taken from the very last phrase and the following chapter (Ezekiel 2). He closed with a musing on reverence for God and familial closeness to Him as His children.

He also had this to say about the notion that the wheels within wheels (see above) are actually UFOs:

"Sure, you can believe the wheels are UFOs. Go ahead - be dumb. It's a free country."

He cracks me up.

You may have been scared away by the length of the quoted passage. Go back and read it; it's worth your time.

Listening to "Unity in Christ" by Officer Negative
from the album Live at the Roxy
I was actually at this concert when my friends in Officer Negative recorded this album. Listening to it after all these years brings back so many memories. The sound quality is pretty crummy, but it captures the energy of their live show quite nicely.

"oh, may I bless my God"

This hymn was written by Anne Steele (also the author of "Enslaved in Sin and Bound in Chains"). On the day before her wedding, her would-be husband drowned in a river. Then a mere 21 years of age, Ms. Steele penned these words in response to that tragedy.

When I survey life's varied scene amid the darkest hours,
sweet rays of comfort shine between and thorns are mixed with flowers.
Lord, teach me to adore Thy hand from whence my comforts flow,
and let me in this desert land a glimpse of Canaan know.
Is health and ease my happy share? Oh may I bless my God;
Thy kindness let my songs declare, and spread Thy praise abroad.
While such delightful gifts as these are kindly dealt to me,
be all my hours of health and ease devoted, Lord, to Thee.
In griefs and pains, Thy sacred Word (dear solace of my soul)
celestial comforts can afford, and all their power control.
When present sufferings pain my heart or future terrors rise,
and light and hope almost depart from these dejected eyes,
Thy powerful Word supports my hope, sweet cordial of the mind,
and bears my fainting spirit up and bids me wait resigned,
and oh, whate'er or earthly bliss Thy sovereign hand denies,
accepted at Thy throne of grace let this petition rise -
"Give me a calm, a thankful heart, from every murmur free.
The blessings of Thy grace impart, and let me live to Thee.
Let the sweet hope that Thou art mine, my path of life attend,
Thy presence through my journey shine and bless its happy end."

resolved: 2005 recap - music

Things got off to a rough start. I arrived shortly before 5pm, only to realize that we were supposed to be there at 4pm. One thing I hate more than just about anything else is being late. I'm of the opinion that 9 times out of 10, being late is your own fault. Last Friday was no exception. For some reason, I had "5:00 sound check" in my head. Granted, it's tough to get anywhere on time once you have a baby to account for, but if I had remembered the correct time, we would have been fine.

Unfortunately, this was only the start. I sent my Mesa/Boogie ahead in one of the other vehicles, and I couldn't find it. I had to track down one of the sound guys to ask him where it was. When I got to the part of the stage I was to occupy, there wasn't much room at all. I saw that Mark was helping out the sound guys so I asked him where my amps were to go. Then he had to have a conversation that no sound guy wants to have with a musician.

"See, since the stage is so small, Derek was thinking of putting your amps behind the stage facing the wall."

My face outside:
My attitude inside:

If there's one thing I hate, it's being late. If there's another thing I hate, it's the sound of an electric guitar through a monitor when you can't hear the amp itself. 10 out of 10 times, the sound from the amp will be nice and warm while the sound from the monitor will be thin and brittle (based on my past experience) To make matters worse, not having my amps on stage left me with a dilemma - the amps were doubling as guitar stands/supply shelves. This meant that someone had to make a run to Guitar Center for another guitar stand. Furthermore, I bought ear plugs specifically because of the stage diagram we were shown at our previous practice. "Hmm," I thought. "If my amps are going to be directly to my right, there's no way my right ear can survive." See, I had been practicing with the amps directly behind me.

To top it all off, there was someone else's "junk" (wallet, phone, jacket, etc) in my corner of the stage.

In MY Corner!!!

Things definitely were not off to a good start. Of all times for this stuff to be happening... this was our ministry's biggest event ever. Why did things have to be so last-minute?!?! Some really strange things crossed my mind like doesn't God realize that I need to have a minimal amount of pre-performance distractions so that I don't lose focus? It seemed like one thing after another was going wrong.

Sound check started. My monitor was way too loud. For all those years playing in garage bands at full volume, I think my ears are more sensitive now than they were back then. I'm not really sure why that is, unless I've stripped away some of the protective barriers in my ears. Is that even possible?

So after asking the sound guys repeatedly to turn it down, it actually started to sound good... really good. I found it amusing that even though one of the "benefits" of having the amps off-stage was to reduce stage volume, the monitor was louder than both amps combined would have been. Go figure.

Between the first and second songs, I was supposed to switch guitars. I made sure to tell John this at the practice we had 6 weeks prior, and we planned for a short 15-20 second break in which to do this. But now, things had changed.

J: "I thought we were going to have a short break between 'Soli' and 'Your Great Name We Praise.'"

Other J: "Well... now there's no break."

J (thinking): so it's like that, huh?

But then God changed things. Slowly, my attitude began to soften. I stopped beating myself up over being late. I'm a perfectionist, which is a nice way to say I'm always fighting with myself over being prideful. So after those things were dealt with, I went into survival mode, which for me, is improv mode... take whatever you're dealt and deal with it. And for crying out loud, have a good attitude. It's the Resolved (colon) conference.

We were told kind of last-minute that we needed to come up with an intro piece to kick off the whole night... something that would really create an atmosphere for the whole weekend. My ears perked up. Did you say... atmosphere? For the past oh, I don't know, 3 or 4 years, I've basically classified my guitar playing as very atmospheric. I like to color things up by using effects and write guitar parts you can space out to (or at least parts I can space out to). You can tell when I'm playing one of those parts because I tend to do just that. It's not for show. It's just a habit I developed. If a guitar line takes your heart to the breaking point, it's the right one. And since the only barometer I have for that is my own opinion and emotion, I usually end up enjoying my own playing more than other people do*. Upon first glance, that sounds incredibly arrogant, but it shouldn't. I'm not saying I'm better than others, or even that I'm that good. I just enjoy the emotional journey I experience when I'm able to incorporate dreamy guitar lines, especially in the context of worship.

* My guitar playing has Easter eggs (hidden meanings). What that means is that many times, I'll throw in a riff from another song just to spice up the song we're playing. Usually no one notices except for me. That's one reason I enjoy my playing more than other people do. That's one thing I immediately loved about Something Like Silas... "Hey, that's almost the same riff as Sunny Day Real Estate's 'Waffle'" or "Hey, that drum beat is the same as such-and-such Violet Burning song. Cool."

For example, did you know that at my solo for "Rise Up and Praise Him" has, at different times, been the theme to "Top Gun," the melody line to Michael W. Smith's song "Lamu," and the "Star Wars" theme? Or that the last 4 bars of the solo for "Cry Holy" this weekend were lifted DIRECTLY from Whence He Came's song "Here's to Hope?" Or how about the fact that the main guitar lead to the Smashing Pumpkins' "Today" was used multiple times throughout the weekend, just for the fun of it?

Well, now you know, but hopefully you're too busy praising to notice these things... unless such knowledge enhances the worship experience, in which case, I'm glad you have the same response I do.

For our "Intro," we settled on a D~E~A~D~E~f#m chord progression with 3 sections:

I - very mellow with minimal percussion
III - full tilt with lots of cymbals and loud guitars
II - a happy medium between I and III

Though I've used an EBow for years, it took on an entirely different dynamic when I used it in conjunction with a guitar slide. It was a ton of fun. The song was supposed to last for about 5 minutes, but I could have played it for 25. There's something hypnotic about chord progressions that keep repeating themselves, as long as the instrumentation keeps things interesting.

We ended on the A chord and after a short pause, jumped right into Soli Deo Gloria. When it was all said and done, I had an awesome time worshipping. As late as our sound check, things sounded iffy, but when we walked off stage after the set was over, I had a huge smile on my heart. There's no explanation other than that the Lord helped us out A LOT. Despite all the distractions that had been building up, when it really counted, it came together. There's no way we can take any of the credit... it's all the Lord's.

Hearing 1500 people sing God's praises in your direction is very humbling. I'd imagine it's pretty cool to be a popular band and have people sing your songs (loudly) at concerts. I mean, they're songs that you've written. What a neat connection with the audience. How much more amazing is hearing people sing songs at a conference such as Resolved. Though we didn't write any of them, we still had that connection with the audience... we're all praising the same God. An incredible experience.

Ultimately, I should have had a good attitude whether or not circumstances changed. That's the way it goes: circumstances can't dictate our response. But in this case, the Lord saw fit to improve circumstances as well:

~ I was able to get another guitar stand before we started.
~ The sound of the amp through the monitor was incredible. I've never played through a good monitor, so this was a real treat. It felt like having the amp right there.
~ I did have time to switch guitars between songs 1 and 2 after all.
~ We got to do an atmospheric intro, which really excited me.
~ I was able to worship distraction-free. I was trying not to weep up there on some of the songs.
~ The stage looked stinkin' amazing. I mean, you'd hope so for the amount of money they spent. But yeah, it was great.

The biggest, and really the only bummer of the weekend was "Jesus I My Cross Have Taken." The first time we played it, I chickened out on the solo, so I did some cheesy one to guard against hitting wrong notes.

I planned to make up for it on the second time, except the second one was played in attempts to appease CJ Mahaney. Since this was totally un-practiced, I again messed it up and didn't get a chance to play the solo I spent so much time writing.

It's influenced heavily by someone whose music I dislike so much that I won't even type his or her name. But on his or her live DVD, he or she plays a solo that features a riff high on the guitar neck, then an identical riff an octave lower on the lower part of the guitar neck, and so on. That's what was supposed to happen. It didn't. I was pretty disappointed. But the jam session that ensued more than made up for it.

The plan was to have each person do a solo after we'd gone through the progression for a while. I started with a lead similar to what I'd played on Friday night. I was fairly happy with it. It wasn't blow-you-away amazing, but at least I didn't hit any wrong notes (that I remember).

Then it was Morgan's turn. I felt a little bad for him because his keyboard was set to play ambient string pads, which aren't that conducive to soloing. He ended up throwing in a few organ lines and that was good enough for CJ.

Then CJ came over to me and stood there. I was a little puzzled, since I thought I had already soloed quite enough. Some have asked me what I was saying to CJ on stage. It went like this:

CJ: "You're next."

J: "Huh? I thought I was first."

CJ: "No, we're going right to left."

J: "Um, okay."

and then...

CJ: "You play and I'll strum. Show me where."

J: "Ok, here." (gives CJ guitar pick)

J: "1, 2, 3, 4, NOW." (CJ strums)

Then he got excited (I don't think it takes much to get CJ excited).

He strummed hard and fast and knocked the tension out of my E-string. It didn't actually break... it just came loose.

Then it was John's turn, then Joe, then Tim, then Pat, then Matt.

Special props to Joe for playing a tasty drum solo that stayed pretty under control but was still impressive. And props to Matt, who hates playing solos, especially on the bass, but still played some nice riffs.

In a spot of irony, I've spent so much time researching boutique pedals recently. I'm proud to say that my 3 latest purchases have been hand-wired, hand-built pedals that you can't find at your local guitar center. And much to my chagrin, the picture of my pedal board that's decorating the Xroads site only shows the mass-produced non-true bypass clunkers.

Let's say you own 3 cars. Now, many of you would probably be happy owning one, but let's say you've got 3...

1. A nice SUV fully decked out... nice stereo, tinted windows, rims (but please no spinners), etc.
2. A nice luxury car... also fully decked out. A ton of fun to drive.
3. 1985 Buick boat-type car. You hardly ever drive it. It just sits there taking up space.

One day, your friend makes a website. You visit it only to see your 1985 beast with this caption: " (your name)'s car." Yeah. It is your car... no denying that. It's just not the one you're necessarily proud of. So in honor of that, here's more techie garbage. I'm surprised people have actually admitted to reading these, but I'm glad.

This was the official rig for Resolved. Everything is listed in order of signal chain. (duh)

Peavey Predator (EMG81 bridge, EMG85 neck)
Ibanez S470
1967 Fender Mustang

into

Fulltone Fulldrive 2
Red Witch Moon Phaser
Loooper 3
loop 1. Boss DS-1
loop 2. ElectroHarmonix Deluxe Memory Man
loop 3. Boss GT-3
Boss LS-2 (used as signal splitter)

into

Mesa/Boogie Nomad 100 Head w/ Mesa/Boogie Rectifier Cab (2x12)

and

Fender Blues Deville 4x10 Combo

I rearranged everything on the board, so I'll post pics as soon as I can upload them.

That sums up the music review for Resolved: 2005.

Listening to "Castlevania 3" by the Minibosses

are we really giving our best?

Ha ha, I'm such a dork. Finally on the third day of Greek-themed Google designs, I finally realized what they were getting at. HELLO!?!? Greek!?!? Olympics!?!? I was like, "What, is it Greek Heritage Month or something?"

I blame it on not having cable. And not getting the newspaper. And not reading Internet news sites. And not listening to the radio. Except to hear traffic. And then there's KXLU, KCRW, and KCSN - the only engaging radio stations out there in my opinion. Oh, and once in a great while I'll give Frank Pastore a listen, but I usually turn him off pretty quickly because Christian Political Shows really bore me (that and that fact that... well, never mind... let's just say I'm not a big fan). I must say, however, he's a LOT better than Warren Duffy, the guy he replaced on that show.

Which reminds me... I have a co-worker who's a Christian. One day, I heard "The Bible Answer Man" on his radio and said, "Oh, I like listening to Hank's radio show. It's a good way to learn the basics of doctrine."

He said, "Yeah, he's ok, but I really like listening to 'Duffy and Company' better."

GAK! That's like saying, "Yeah, dark chocolate Dove bars are ok, but I'd much rather have this whole box of imitation See's Nut & Chew mix" (you know, the ones that are eye-pleasing on the outside and then you bite in and WHAM! Walnuts with some nasty greenish yellowish gray filling... sick... and milk chocolate, no less... And not even authentic See's).

Back to the point...

People are sometimes surprised that I have kind of a lot of CDs. Well, I love music and I hate the radio so what can you do?

Speaking of which, when are Christian bands going to start making good music? When you break it down, so many bands that are hyped in the Christian music scene are just boring to me. Some people have been somewhat alarmed when I've said that. "Well, then what do you listen to when you want to worship? Or to encourage yourself?" Good questions. Questions for another time, though.

First of all, not all Christian music is horrible... at least not lyrically. As I've told some people, I'd much rather read the lyric sheet to some bands/CDs and be encouraged by the words than have to actually sit down and listen to the CD. If the music has nothing to draw me in, I get REALLY distracted from the words, however good they may be.

For example, about a year ago, a friend let me borrow some CDs from a group he liked. They're becoming pretty popular in the CCM kingdom.

But before I get into that, let me give you my breakdown of CCM:

Royalty: Just about everyone, Christians and Non-Christians have at least heard of you (Michael W. Smith, Steven Curtis Chapman, Newsboys, Petra).

Nobility: May not have much recognition outside of CCM, but near the top of the food chain in that particular market (Sonic Flood, Caedmon's Call, Third Day).

Serfs: Some people who are into CCM have heard of you and your CD is probably in most Christian book stores (The Violet Burning, Something Like Silas, Rock 'n' Roll Worship Circus).

Peasant: Most people who dig mainline CCM haven't even heard of you, though you may have a large following in certain areas. Usually independently-released CDs... popularity is spread by word-of-mouth (Cush, Jesse Eubanks, Jeremy Quillo).

The group my friend let me borrow is probably at the Serf level. They're not hugely popular on the national or international CCM scene, but mentioned pretty regularly by people I know (including many at GOC) and gaining popularity slowly but surely.

*put first CD in CD player*

First Track: It's ok... kind of slow, but ok. I notice the recording quality is a little sub-par, but that's pretty common (unfortunately).

Second Track: Upbeat (kind of). Kind of catchy but really repetitive. Not my kind of music, but not too bad.

Third Track: Hmm, that's funny, this one sounds a lot like the 2nd track.

Fourth Track: Wait a minute, are we still on song #2? No, it's song 4 but it sounds a lot like #2 (and #3).

Fifth Track: Wow, something a little different. Still not very interesting to me (musically), but at least it's some variety.

Sixth Track: Okay, this isn't funny anymore. I mean, I'm flattered that you guys would give me a third encore of song #2 but really, it's ok. Play a different song already.

And so on.

For the record, the song numbers probably aren't exact, but that's the main idea. I stopped paying attention anyway. I listened to a more recent CD and it was kind of the same. A little more variety, but the whole CD still sounded strangely similar to itself.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Bonus points for you if you can figure out who I'm talking about.

What ever happened to giving our best in worship? And with this, I'm not really talking about the above group anymore, because although the music isn't particularly engaging, at least it's played competently and doesn't sound like exactly like every other "worship band" out there. Just kind of like them. But this I say to the whole of CCM (and to myself): "Is that the best you can do? Really?" Why is it that non-CCM music (whether it's a band of pagans or a band of Christians who aren't a "Christian band" per se) is usually so much better than CCM stuff? I can probably name the standout excellent CDs marketed primarily in the Christian market on one hand (or maybe a few hands). That's not just albums that I like to listen to, but ones that even a non-Christian music fan would consider "good."

Why is it that though we Christians we have concepts so incredible to write about, most bands in the Nobility range and probably even some in the Royalty range wouldn't last 5 minutes in the popular music scene? If our God is so great, why don't we invest a little more time into thinking up a melody and arrangement? Not to mention the words (MacArthur's "7-11" example is my new favorite way to refer to "worship" songs). And I don't blame it on the lyrics either. I mean, sure, the lyrics WILL keep overtly Christian music out of the popular music scene. But is it really just a matter of CCM making music that the "general market" would love were it not for having too many songs about Jesus? I doubt it.

Why, then, are we content to give God offerings of our art that is merely "good enough" or "not bad" when we could be striving to give Him our best? I mean, "play skillfully," for crying out loud, and also write skillfully and sing skillfully. Would you write a song in honor of a respected authority figure with the same depth of lyrics? Or in a love song for a "special someone" would you just say "(fill in name), I love you, I love you, I love you" (EDIT: or "thank you for loving me, thank you for loving me, thank you for loving me, thank you for loving me") but never get into any details? Would that really convey your true feelings? Furthermore, would the recipient really feel like you gave it much thought?

Why do we offer our Creator less than our best?

Perhaps it's because we treat God in this way in our everyday lives. We don't take the time to dig deep and really get to know Him. We're so easily satisfied by quickly scratching the surface of His character that a shallow reading of His word and a few minutes in prayer are enough to abate our consciences for another day.

At least that's my problem.

Maybe some people really are giving their best. Then again, maybe some people need to step back and reevaluate their giftedness in certain areas. Just because you like playing music doesn't mean that you should. Sounds harsh, but it's the truth.

I'm not quite sure where to place myself in that example. In fact, I'm still trying to figure out if music is what I'm best at.

Listening to "untitled #8 (a.k.a. popplagið)" by Sigur Ros
from the album ( )

I see more pharisee in me than I'd like to admit

I had lunch with an old high school friend today. We had a great time reminiscing and talking about what the Lord's been doing in our lives. It was encouraging to be able to look back over our lives and see that even though we were (and are) at times weak and unfaithful, God works in our lives for His glory both in our obedience and our disobedience.

It was particularly interesting to be able to have such a discussion with this particular friend since, although he grew up in a Christian home, he only became a Christian about a year and a half ago. Or at least got serious about the Lord. Or at least that's how I understood it. Now he's off to grad school in New York and really determined to maintain his walk with Christ while he's there. I could never imagine having this type of conversation back when we spent a lot of time together... we'd talk about art, film, punk rock, social issues, politics, religion, the politicization of the church, and how music related to all of it... but never what God was teaching us or about how awesome the Bible really is. But now it seems normal. Perhaps it's the fact that we never see each other anymore that's causing me to now put aside any apathy and just take advantage of the opportunities before me.

Here's a sprinkling of our conversation:

Heroification of Bible Characters - Granted, they are rightly referred to as "heroes of the faith," but when their humanity is not remembered, they become almost mythical, not unlike the heroes of ancient Greece. If we compare ourselves to these "perfect" examples (as we sometimes see them), it's easy to get discouraged. They're so faithful and we're so wretched. When we take a closer look at Scripture, however, we see men and women who are just like us... we're all wretched sinners in need of redemption. They were by no means perfect... look at David, for one. If you were to name off a list of "worst" sins (if there were such a thing), he committed them all. Murderer. Liar. Adulterer. Not exactly the type you'd think to be an example. And yet when it's all said and done, he is forever known as a man after God's own heart. What an awesome display of God's forgiveness and restoration!

Compassion - We're both learning the true meaning of compassion. It's not necessarily tolerance and it's not necessarily acceptance of an action or belief. Especially, I might add, when it's a matter of Truth vs. falsehood. But it's looking past these externals and embracing someone as a person. You might even be right, but you're not intrinsically better for it. Looking back, I've been pretty intolerant and pretty uncompassionate... quick to judge and quicker to write off. I wish it wasn't true, but I can't change the past.

Christ displayed the complete opposite attitude, though. He was a real friend of sinners. Sometimes I can't understand that. Why is it that I have such a hard time looking past the fact that, for example, my co-workers are partiers and blasphemers and so on. This attitude even drove my brother and I apart in high school. I was so stuck on something as trivial as being straight-edge that I, for all intents and purposes, turned my back on my own brother. We didn't talk. Almost literally. I wouldn't even refer to him as my brother because his lifestyle bothered me so much. What a self-righteous heap of menstrual rags that is (Isaiah 64:6).

But Christ saw those types and sought them out with the truth of the Gospel. I see more Pharisee in me than I'd like to admit. Thankfully, there's nothing in me that saved me. I was exactly the same as these people who I so often try to avoid. I was too young to manifest certain actions when I embraced Christ, but I was still God's enemy. Enemy! Not indifferent. Not passive. Not a fence-dweller. I was active in rebellion against God by being my own god, living to please myself. Save for God's grace, I would still be in such a state. But God, in His great mercy, chose to save me. Why?! "I cannot give an answer." Our helplessness to save ourselves gives all the glory to God. Salvation is not based on our works. I stand in Christ's righteousness, not my own. Good thing, too, since the only righteousness I possess is this self-righteousness that I'm trying so hard to discard.

I'm praying that my friend will remain faithful as he treks into the lion's den of intellectualism and human thought. He told me he really feels called to be a Christian example among the intellectual elite of society (the front-runners of modern philosophy, anthropology, and psychology)... being a light in the midst of a school of thought that's based completely on secular principles.

Stay strong, Brother - I Cor. 10:13